Thoughts in a Strange Time

View across the woods and fields to the Cairngorms, April 6

I went shopping today. I never thought I would start a piece of writing with those words. But the act of shopping now seems significant, fraught with danger, verging on reckless. It was the first time I’d been into town for a week, the first time I’d spoken face to face with anyone, shared space with them. Keeping away from others feels unnatural, difficult. Cross the road to avoid passing someone on the pavement. Reverse down aisles in the supermarket. Other people are dangerous. I am dangerous. None of us know if we carry the invisible threat. 

Into the third week of lockdown now, with no end in sight. The reality of this open-ended state has become familiar. I feel detached, disorientated. The world has changed so fast, so drastically. Yet here at home it is much the same. Living out in the countryside I don’t see empty streets, closed shops, speeding ambulances. I see woods and fields, birds and animals, as usual. But it’s not usual. The Cairngorms glow white in the late sun. Out of reach now. I forget the strangeness as I walk in the trees looking for the first spring flowers, listen to the spirit soaring song of a thrush, catch a glimpse of a deer, then out into the fields and the beautiful wild calls of curlew and lapwing. A buzzard circles overhead. This world has not changed.

At home I sit at my desk, working. That hasn’t changed either. But I feel slightly unreal, not sure if the world will suddenly change again. The house feels solid, reassuring. Built of blocks of stone. They’re not going anywhere. House, trees, fields, wildlife. Not much else feels substantial.

Here, alone, cut-off, I am detached. Yet I’m also connected, to my local community, to the wider country, to the whole world. This affects everyone, everywhere. Whilst I exist in this strange limbo others are suffering, working hard, desperately trying to adjust. My mind expands from this solitude across countries and continents. We are one people.

The people who keep society running are being acknowledged now. This needs to last. The world has changed and when the world comes out of this it needs to stay changed. Whenever that is.

Stay safe.